You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
