We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
