That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
