new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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