Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize