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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
