All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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