I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
