Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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