turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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