$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
