He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
