last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
