I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
