Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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