Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
