So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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