I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
