White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
