I have demons in me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
