garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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