I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
