I could have mohawked her pubes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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