thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
