remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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