i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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