This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
