He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
