Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
