I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
