I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
