i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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