Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
