Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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