did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
