You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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