The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize