Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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