It's just like the Real World with babies
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
