so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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