Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
