dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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