My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
