it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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