Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
