i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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