i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize