dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think your dad took our porno
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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