her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
