turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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