I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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