My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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