sarcasm needs its own font
of course. lets lasso hookers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ok first of all what the fuck
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
