This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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