I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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