i wish my penis had a tongue
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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