I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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