got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
