I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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