I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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