Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
