Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
