What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
