Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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