My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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